For several times last two weeks, I woke up midnight in panic sweat. Two months after my return, I realized that all those images of the incident still have an impact on me and how defenseless I am when they come back.

It all started with a scream…



By the end of my trip this summer, I decided to stop by Taizé and work there for three weeks before heading back to Toronto. One evening, I went to the evening prayer after working as a coordinator for children’s animation as usual. Working in children’s animation has proven to be so so(!) demanding and exhausting. It’s like today you have headache getting Polish and Spanish translators and then tomorrow you’ll have to worry about getting other programs fixed and informing other translators. That day as I was heading to the evening prayer, I was so upset to find myself being so inadequate for the job and would die for anytime just for myself.

Candles lit, people be seated. As music was played in the church, we were all in silence and some were in meditation. Silence was broken by occasional coughs and sneezes. The screen showed which song we were singing and I looked down, didn’t feel like turning to the page of the song in the hymn book. I didn’t sing along the music. I was incapable of singing as days I worked as children’s animation coordinator flashed across.



“Awwwwwwwwwwww... ”


A scream suddenly interrupted the singing.

I looked up, first seeing all the kids looking scared and all other people were in panic as the kids made their way back to their parents. Those who were sitting beside the bushes stood up, with their eyes fixed at the center of the church-- all in shock, while some brothers stood up and tried to pat onto the shoulders of some people, telling them to remain seated. Before I figured out what happened, the guy who was sitting behind me has already rushed out of the crowds, running as if he was hitting the finishing line.


One thing that I noticed seemed to be unusual...


There was a woman standing right inside the area reserved just for the brothers.


The rhythm of the evening prayer was suddenly intermitted...


(to be continued…)